Bitch better have my Ovaltine – Posted on Facebook – July 6, 2012
I was in two simultaneous debates with someone on Facebook, and I got all webby in the middle of it all. The funny parts from the first one is HERE, and this is the second. I’m only posting where things start to get funny):
Jerrod Balzer: I’m on drugs right now, as a matter of fact, that have been breaking my bank each month thanks to healthcare that I don’t have, thank you very much. Drugs fucking rock. Try living without them when you need them and can’t afford ’em. And now every child in the country will be covered no matter what – hell yeah!
Other Person: and … um … where is the money coming from to pay for that?
Jerrod Balzer: MY social security from working until I became disabled. Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’re not footing the bill.
Jerrod Balzer: You mean my drugs or the kids coverage? LOL! Damn drugs, you’ll have be be clearer. The kids are covered thanks to everyone contributing and not being a fucking whiny cheapskate – those whose income allows it, anyway.
Jerrod Balzer: Think about it. It’s based on income. If you’re too poor, you don’t pay. If you’re shit-rich, you pay lots more. Everyone gets covered. But the rich don’t want to help the poor so they feed people a bunch of twisted BS that only the really stupid people will fall for…. get it?
Jerrod Balzer: But see, I’m explaining this to you so you won’t be stupid. Then we can go off together and eat unicorn meat with Adam J Whitlatch and maybe have sex with a dolphin.
Jerrod Balzer: Come on. Get your shit together and I’ll call Falcor. He’s brushing his teeth right now but he’ll be here soon. He gets a lot of bugs in there with all the flying.
Jerrod Balzer: I’ll tell you what, though. If that dude doesn’t have some Ovaltine with him, I’m gonna be pissed.
Other Person: and this constitutes a reasonable discussion in your mind?
Jerrod Balzer: WTF? Ovaltine has a lot of vitamins.
Jerrod Balzer: Falcor might, too. We may find out if the bitch doesn’t have my drink.
Jerrod Balzer: Can I call Falcor a bitch? Looks like a dog. Sounds male but could be female. Never know about these things. I never saw balls hanging down in back.
Jerrod Balzer: I bet Falcor was female with a deep voice and nipples all up and down the underside.
Jerrod Balzer: Bitch better have my Ovaltine.
Other Person: you, my friend, have definitely launched into, “HOW CAN YOU EAT SOUP WITHOUT AN ENVELOPE,” territory.